The Secrets We Kept
by Phoenix To Flame
Summary: They hadn't meant anything bad by it, it was just something that they wanted. To be with the people they loved most. SubaruxHokuto.
1. Once Upon A Dream

Hello, and welcome to the 'redux' of SawyerRaleigh's Secrets We Keep, redone in my style since she couldn't figure out what to do with it.

The main 'plot' of this story remains the same, as a story of Subaru and Hokuto doing very twincestuous things, and how their relationship grew. Yet it has my little spins on it that will make it different, and hopefully still enjoyable.

There will be six parts to this, the second is already written and the third is in production.

Here's hoping that you still enjoy this!

* * *

><p><em>And I know it's true; that visions are seldom all they seem<em>

_But if I know you, I'll know what you'll do_

_You'll love me at once_

_The way you did Once_

_Upon a dream_

* * *

><p>It had started when they were six, with a film that they had watched together, something that had been translated from America, a fairy tale story.<p>

Hokuto had been enamoured with it, sweeping herself up into the story as first the princess, then when realizing the limits of the role, the three fairies rolled into one vibrant package.

Subaru hadn't been quite so enchanted, it was pretty, but he didn't see the appeal of it. But his twin wanted to play games of Sleeping Beauty now, and because he loved her, he went along with it.

Not that it was always _easy_ to keep up with how she leapt from piece to piece, from idea to idea as he very well knew. And thus they were at one of their few standstills where he couldn't handle something and yet it appeared to be necessary.

"Come _on_ Subaru! You have to kill the dragon so you can save the princess!" Hokuto yelled, waving her small arms in agitated motion at the trash can that had been dubbed the villain of the movie. "Otherwise she's gonna eat up the princess and the prince and clean out her teeth with the fairy!"

Subaru clenched the stick tighter in his hands, despite Hokuto's insistence that it was the sword of the movie, he couldn't see it as anything other than a stick, and tried to imagine that the garbage can was an evil dragon, that was going to eat up the princess that wasn't there, then him, then his big sister, and couldn't. All he saw was a garbage can. "I can't hit it Hokuto-chan." he cried. "What did it ever do wrong?"

Hokuto frowned at him, green eyes serious. "It's a big mean dragon. Do you want to be dragon dinner Subaru?"

The stick fell out of his hands sadly. "I would be dragon food if it meant I didn't have to kill it." he whispered to his sister.

She sighed, but all the anger went out of her eyes quickly, leaving them sad and green. "Okay then, the dragon's gone." she said, trying to move the game along. "It flew away and went to go take a nap somewhere with no princesses and no Subarus."

He sighed in relief, and they moved away from the not-a-dragon-garbage can to a tree filled part of the great yard. "Then after the dragon flies away, what happens next Hokuto-chan?" he asked, wanting to know how much more there was to do.

She thought seriously, her dark eyebrows pulled down in concentration. "Then, the fairy and the prince go back to the castle," she led them over to a tall apple tree, shedding white blossoms like snowflakes, soft and silent, "And then the prince goes and wakes up the princess..." she trailed off as she realized the error in her plans. "We need a princess."

"I could be the princess," he offered, wanting to help. "I have to lie down on the ground, right? Be a sleeping princess?"

"No." she retorted, still thinking. "You can't be the prince and the princess at the same time, otherwise the game becomes impossible." She thought a little bit harder, bright green eyes shining in the sun.

He was content to watch her work through the problem, his beautiful big sister who looked like she was born to be the sunlight itself.

"Aha!" she exclaimed. "I will be the princess instead!" her eyes lit up happily as she spun to face him in victory.

The only thing that came to his mind at the burst of energy was; "But aren't you the fairy already Hokuto-chan?"

She made a flapping motion with her hand, he guessed to wave away the previous role. "I can be the princess too." she said with dignity, flopping to the ground on her knees to start picking flowers and attempting to weave them into a circle. "Once I have my crown, then we can finish the game." The string fell to individual flowers in her hands and she scowled at them, trying again to make them into a circle.

He sat on the ground too, watching her hands as she looped flowers together with much concentration in her eyes, humming the movie's theme a bit awkwardly as each flower went together, one after another like footsteps in the sand.

At last she finished, placing the crown on her head proudly, not caring that the loop ended up too big and one end fell over her ear. "Okay, now I'm the princess, and I'm going to be sleeping, and you'll have to wake me up with a kiss."

And she flopped over onto the grass dramatically, the flowers falling back out of her hair, green eyes shut in a pretend sleep, waiting for him to finish their game.

And yet, instead of leaning over and doing what she wanted, he found himself watching her instead, like he wanted to memorize everything about her instead of the onmyoji chants and rituals, like she was more important than all of those.

She was, really, since she was his only sister, his only twin.

He couldn't ever imagine being without her.

Hokuto opened her green eyes in annoyance, looking at him. "Subaru, you are supposed to be kissing me awake." And she shut her eyes again.

A wave of awkward ran through him, and he sort of bent over her, his face suddenly growing hot, and he didn't know why. Yet for some reason, it felt so scary, the idea of kissing her.

But she didn't say it needed to be like in the movie, right? That was one part he remembered well, how the prince had kissed the princess awake.

With his face hot and his heart thumping, he pressed his lips to her cheek for the briefest second before pulling away.

She made a grumbling noise and he realized that he had gotten it wrong. "Subaru...that's not going to wake up the princess. Do it properly." And this time she watched him, making sure he wouldn't run away without her.

His face got hotter, and he didn't think he would be able to do it at all. But when he told her so, she frowned at him. "I'll hold my breath till you do it right." she told him, and made good on her threat.

It terrified him to see her not breathing, and that fear pushed him past the other fear of kissing her badly.

He leaned over again and softly, quickly, pressed his lips to her till she blinked her eyes open again.

When Subaru pulled away, she grinned at him. "See, you can do it!" she said as she sat up. "You just need to be braver."

As she brushed the flowers out of her hair, he pressed his hands against his cheeks and was surprised to find them warm still. But as he breathed, they slowly cooled to how cheeks were supposed to be.

A bright blue butterfly fluttered past the both of them, and Hokuto shot to her feet as it flew away. "Come on Subaru!" she cried as she started to run after it. "Let's go get the butterfly!"

He followed after her willingly, in her footsteps as she charged after the fragile little butterfly, through the dappled sunlight underneath the trees. She was all color and light and fire and beauty and life.

Subaru always wanted to keep her that way.


	2. There Will Be Time

This is actually the first piece I wrote when I started redoing this, and thus it's the oldest. Out of the six chapters that this will be, all but chapter four are done...how lazy of me.

More explicit than the last chapter, but not warrenting a jump to M yet, just so you are warned ahead of time.

* * *

><p><em>For I have known them all already, known them all:<br>Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,  
>I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;<br>I know the voices dying with a dying fall  
>Beneath the music from a farther room.<br>So how should I presume?_

_T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufock_

* * *

><p>It had been half a year since the end of their separation, and they had been out on one of their rapidly growing habitual walks, where Hokuto was not allowed to speak of fashion in exchange for Subaru to not be allowed to speak of work. Hokuto was pretty sure that her brother had quite innocently missed the point on the work ban, and that she really just wanted to spend time with him without there being a wall of his duties between them.<p>

They did make an interesting duo though, in her mind, as two people who looked exactly the same, but for the way they held their faces. Her confidence to his uncertainty, her eagerness, his hesitancy. And also in their outfits where she'd worn the reds and oranges of the changing leaves, where she made him wear the greens that hadn't shifted yet.

Subaru kept his face turned away from yet another well meaning couple that complimented them, and she could see his shy blush, staining his cheeks a pink like that of carnations.

"Why do you always blush when people give you compliments Subaru?" she asked when they had passed by the couple, linking her arm in his. "It's not like they're hitting on you or anything."

His blush grew, but he didn't pull away from her. She had him well trained on what was and wasn't allowed. "It's-it's embarressing to be so noticed by people. I'm nothing special to look at." he shot her a green glance from the corners of his eyes. "Not like you, Hokuto-chan."

Hokuto groaned in annoyance. "We look _exactly the same_. Why do you think that you aren't anything to look at and I am?" she tried to reason with him.

"B-but you're so much prettier, and more deserving of compliments!" Subaru stammered. "I don't want to steal everyone's attention from you."

She stopped them in front of an alleyway along the streets they had been walking along, placed herself firmly in front of him and grabbed his shoulders hard enough that he couldn't run away. "Su. Ba. Ru. You're the youngest onmyoji in the world, and the most powerful. You have talent, looks and a good heart. Whoever gives you a compliment is in the right, because you are that special. I'm also special,yes, but not as special as you. Will you get that through your head?"

Subaru opened his mouth, probably to deny those truths again, but they were both interrupted by a strange groaning noise from the alleyway, followed by the squelching of muck.

They turned their heads to look at exactly the same moment, like a mirror.

Hokuto laughed at the sight that awaited them; two teenagers engaged in some serious kissing, hands in places where Obaa-chan had said that they shouldn't be interested in yet, and she was pretty sure that they had their tongues in each other's mouths.

Which was kind of gross, but not entirely.

Subaru squeaked in mortification, and she wondered if he even had seen anything like that before, even as he covered his eyes as so to not peep at them.

Hokuto didn't really care to watch more, even since the couple was so occupied that they weren't noticing either of them. She took Subaru by his arm and led him away.

"I wonder why they did that kind of thing." Hokuto mused out loud from where she relaxed on her futon, later that evening when they had said good night to everyone else. Subaru, who was collecting his work materials before going to bed himself, looked at her in confusion. "That couple we saw in the alleyway. They had their tongues in each other's mouths. I wonder why, it seems kind of gross."

Subaru blushed again, right on cue. "H-hokuto-chan, t-that's not really something we sh-should be talking about! I mean, it was something really private that we saw. And I don't think we were supposed to see them..." he trailed off slowly.

She ignored that and kept pondering. "Maybe it feels nice, to have your tongue in someone else's mouth? I don't know, I haven't ever tried it." She looked pointedly at her twin.

Subaru dropped the ofuuda he was holding onto the floor. "W-w-w-why a-are you looking at me l-l-like that Hokuto-chan?" he stammered wildly, hiding his vibrant flush from her as he knelt down to pick up the scattered pieces of paper.

She tilted her head to try and look at him from where he was valiently trying to hide. "I don't want to kiss anyone else, but I want to know what it feels like. Sooooo..." she let the sentence remain unspoken, certain that even Subaru and his charming denseness could pick up what she was asking.

Two pieces of paper fluttered back to the floor from his slackened grip. "I-I...I don't think we're supposed to be doing something like-like _they_ were." her twin said desperately, and she knew she had already almost gotten her way.

She just needed to push a _little_ more. "But would you want me to kiss anyone else? We don't have to touch like they were. And we're twins, it's okay to be a little closer, try something that siblings who don't love each other wouldn't. And you do love me, right Subaru?"

Subaru managed to get the rest of the ofuuda off the floor, put them on her desk where he couldn't drop them again. "B-but _me_? I don't even know how to kiss Hokuto-chan! Not the way they were!"

She leaned forwards on the futon. "That's why we can learn. Nobody knows without trying first." She tried to grab his gloved hand, but he was just out of reach. "Come here silly."

He obeyed, too used to following her commands to actually protest, and sat next to her on the bed.

A wave of nervousness rose in her stomach for some reason, and she shivered inside. With fear? She didn't know, but she didn't think that she was scared of kissing him.

More like, the idea sounded better and better as she thought about it.

"Hokuto-chan?" his voice was very hesitant and nervous too, and that made her feel a little better. "Do you want to kiss me?"

She answered by pressing her mouth to his, off-center and awkward.

It tingled along her lips, as she tried to adjust them so that they were more like the couple in the alleyway, and her hands went to his shoulders, to keep him from escaping? From pulling away? She didn't know, except that it felt right where they were.

Subaru's hands clutched at the front of her pajamas, and his eyes were fluttering like hummingbird wings, long lashes almost brushing against her face, and she pulled him closer.

The kiss ended when they were both short of breath, and Subaru's eyes were glazed and far away. Hokuto imagined her own were not far off from looking the same, and her breathing was very uncertain. Her mouth felt a little bit lost now, like something irriplacible had been taken away. "Wow." she exhaled, surprised to find her voice a little unsteady. "_Wow._"

Subaru slowly let go of her shirt, fingers going to his mouth in a motion that made her pretty certain that his brain had crashed.

She kind of felt the same way, and like she wanted to kiss him more. "Do you want to try again?" Hokuto asked her twin, voice a little more controlled.

He nodded shakily, and dropped his hands from his lips at almost the same time she kissed him again, a little wiser to _how_ to do it, a little more eager to try more.

Subaru's mouth was warm, soft, like something impossible made real. The way that her mouth burned in a good way whenever they brushed their lips together was fascinating in a very new way.

And made her want more.

She opened her mouth against his, enough that she could lick at his lips with her tongue, uncertainly. He shuddered, collapsing into her arms heavily as his eyes fell shut in (probable) bliss. She snuck her tongue past his lips, within.

He tasted of their dinner, of fish and rice and spices. He tasted of toothpaste, minty and astringent. He tasted of something different than taste and that was his taste.

The feelings that rose within her chest, and her stomach were too intense to keep going past that, and she drew away reluctantly, watching the way that her twin's eyelashes fluttered as he descended to earth again.

There was something deeper in the green of his eyes, something more beautiful than she'd known before. "Hokuto-chan?" the words were only a whisper, he seemed unable to collect himself further.

"That was...something else..." she was unable to get her thoughts put together enough either! "I think I know why that couple was doing that now." the words came out in a breathless rush.

Subaru smiled, something a little more adult in his eyes. "Love you Hokuto-chan."

Hokuto was about to kiss him again when footsteps echoed quietly from outside their room, and they sprang apart, both of their faces lighting up like fireworks.

Subaru hastened to stand up and collect the remains of his work kit from her desk while she tried to will her blush away. He fumbled with the ofuuda, but managed to not drop any of them for once, his face so red that even his ears were tinged with blood.

He waved a hasty goodbye as he went to his own room, but she didn't mind that it was less intimate than usual. After all, they'd just discovered a different kind of intimate, and she was still riding on the rush of that.

Hokuto pressed her hands to her throbbing lips, and smiled.

* * *

><p>I know that there are a lot of people looking at this, and I'm glad that they took the time to even click on this. However, I would like a little more feedback, for a writer cannot grow without learning what pieces work, and what don't.<p> 


	3. Memory

Since I still haven't written the fourth part of this, there's going to be a delay between this chapter and the next one. It _will_ be finished though, since five and six are well and truly finished now.

Also, Japan _did_ have Cats at this time, they got it in 1983 according to Wikipedia, so I actually did my research for once!

* * *

><p><em>The moments of happiness...<em>

_We had the experience, but missed the meaning_

_And approach to the meaning restores the experience _

_In a different form, beyond any meaning_

_We can assign to happiness..._

_The past experience revived in the meaning_

_Is not the experience of one life only_

_But of many generations - not forgetting_

_Something that is probably quite ineffable_

* * *

><p>Hokuto had read about the announcement for the musical in a magazine or something like that, back in December of 1985, where they were redoing the original production with some more talented members added to the cast, and had started pestering Subaru about asking their grandmother if they could go for their upcoming birthday.<p>

She had been really excited about it the whole time, in the sense of it silently dominating most of their conversations, and mysterious little sketches with costume pieces showing up on various random flat surfaces about the home.

Subaru had caved in quickly to her desires, especially when she got to explaining the older character of the show, the one with regrets who wanted to be forgiven for being stupid in her youth, describing it in enthusiastic, if vaguely purple prose.

And so it had soon reached the week before they were going to go, and Hokuto had finalized her outfit plans, and was fitting them. And running into a problem.

"I don't get why it doesn't fit." She was quite agitated with her dress, and that it wouldn't close up the back all the way. "I measured it just two weeks ago and it fit fine. Subaru!" she called, suddenly switching from complaining to trying to get his attention.

He put down his book, and walked over to her. "Do you want me to try and get the zipper to go up?" he guessed, for there weren't many other reasons why she would call him over while fitting things to herself.

She nodded, still trying to hold the two pieces of the back up. "Please."

Subaru took the zipper tab from her, and as she held it in place, tried to pull it up for her.

It moved a bit, than stopped. The ends wouldn't come close enough together to zip it up the rest of the way. "It's not going up any further Hokuto-chan."

She tried to tug at the zipper and discovered that he told the truth. Turning around, she looked honestly upset. "I don't get why it isn't going up anymore. It worked before."

He had no idea of what the problem was, but it seemed like she was expecting an answer from him, or at least a suggestion. "Maybe the fabric shrunk in the wash?" he guessed. "Why don't we check mine and see if it's off too. Then at least we know what's wrong."

She didn't look totally convinced, but that sad look started to fade from her eyes. "Okay, give me a second." she added, already flouncing off to go get it from whereever she had been working on finishing them before, the tails of the skirt in the back twitching like cat tails would. Which seemed to be the whole point of the outfit.

Subaru sighed as he watched her go. He didn't think she'd noticed yet, but their hands weren't exactly the same size anymore. His were slightly bigger than hers.

It made him sad, to think that their time as being mirrors was coming to an end.

He didn't want it to end.

"Okay." she said, coming back with the rich deep black heap of fabric in her arms. "Yours should be the same as mine except with only one tail. So try it on and we'll see."

Subaru barely prevented the heavy cloth from tumbling to the floor as she dumped it unceremoniously into his arms. "In here, or..?" he trailed off at the look on her face.

"There's nothing wrong with changing in front of me Subaru, it isn't like I haven't been with you forever."

That was certainly the truth, and Subaru sighed as he stripped off his relatively tame outfit, for even his standards, just black jeans and a thick black shirt.

The outfit was one piece in all, that he had to step into and be zipped into. The fabric was soft enough to be like water, but more solid. Hokuto had based their outfits off of the outfits that the dancers in the musical would wear, which meant it was a very clingy outfit. At least it wasn't quite as form hugging as the pictures that she had shown him, and the heaviness of the cloth meant it would be warmer.

As he got the rest of the outfit pulled over his arms and shoulders, she stepped up to pull the zipper up.

It went up all the way, with a little space to spare. Not like hers.

"I don't get it..." Hokuto said, tugging on the fabric. "They should be the same size, so why wouldn't it fit around my chest..._oh_."

And there was something sad in that sound, as she walked off abruptly to the tall mirror, with her measuring tape, wrapping it around the part of her chest that no longer fit, and sighing when she checked the size. "Well that makes sense," she muttered to herself, crossing out something vehemently and writing something else on the paper that she had designed the clothes on. "And I don't have enough black cloth to do the alterations I need, I wonder if I have any green that would go well..."

"Hokuto-chan?" he asked her with some concern. "What is it?"

"My chest is growing, and that's why it doesn't fit." she said absently with a bite of bitterness, already stalking off to look through her collection of fabric.

Oh. _Oh_. Oh, no wonder, he thought while watching her pushing away other feelings by fervent sorting of fabric, a forced grin that wobbled and wasn't mean to be, and his heart ached to watch her so sad.

There were other ways that they would no longer match in the mirror.

The week passed with startling speed, and Subaru found himself coming out of the theater, his sister hanging onto his arm as she grinned brightly.

They were twelve now, the time ticking away as they watched something wholly extrodinary unfold in the movement of actors, in the words between the lyrics and music that swelled and burst like fireworks in the deep.

He had been blown away by the musical unexpectedly. Not by the story itself, but by the music, and the dancing, sinuous, sensual, graceful and free.

Hokuto had been happy too, dancing around in the lobby as they waited to be picked up to the polite laughter of many of the other people who had gone with them. She had tried to pull him into dance with her, but then the quiet sound of their chauffeur interrupted that.

She had been surprisingly tired on the long ride home, leaning against him and holding onto his arm, not talking at the top of her lungs as she was often wont to when excited and or happy, and it tripped him to the idea that she was maybe not quite as joyful as she had seemed.

This idea was strengthened by her not actually doing her bright cackling until she was nearby where others would hear, and claiming exhaustion from an exciting evening, and tugging him along with her to her room.

It was after she shut the door that the mask dropped, and she looked unreasonably sad. He immediately moved to her side, trying to see past the shadows that darkened her face. "What's wrong Hokuto-chan?"

She shook her head at him. "Nothing," she tried to dodge the question, "Nothing important anyway."

Subaru reached to her shoulders, a gentle carress that left the dress she wore crinkling under his hands. "Hokuto-chan, whatever makes you sad is something I want to know about, so that I can change it."

There was something in her eyes that made his heart break when she met his eyes, green to green. "It isn't anything you can change, nothing _we_ can change." She tugged at the front of her dress where the fabric was that deep green that she had added, and he knew what was wrong.

She had noticed how much they didn't match anymore, and not just by their fingers, but by the differing growths of their body.

They were growing up.

Usually, he wasn't able to take the initiative, that was where she was stronger than him, but he stepped forwards to hug her, the one person that mattered more than anything. "Nothing's changing between us. Even if we aren't quite the same on the outside anymore, there's nothing changing. Not between us. That's what you've always said."

Hokuto clung to him tightly, like he would vanish into the darkness if she didn't hold on with everything she had. "Don't leave me alone, please." she whispered to him, a rare moment of needing him as much as he always needed her.

Subaru let that moment be, to never say anything of it, because she wasn't weak, not like him. "I love you Hokuto-chan. I'll always be here." he promised, made and bound in the night. "I'll never leave you alone."

She laughed, quietly, a rush of air against his neck. "And I won't leave you alone either." she promised with the same amount of fervent meaning behind the words.

When she placed her hands on his cheeks, he knew what she wanted to do next, felt the warmth that swelled in his chest at the idea.

And when she kissed him, much more experienced with how to move her lips against his, to make it last forever, he kissed her back.

He didn't ever want to kiss anyone else, just her.

Just her.

Her mouth tingled and tasted sweet, like fine music and strong emotions. She kissed him with all the love she bore, and more beyond.

They fell asleep together, later, fingers entwined together innocently, still in their costumes that were rumpled beyond what she could rescue with just laying them out, and she laughed again, the shadows faded from her eyes.

And they shared a smile that was for each other alone.

* * *

><p><em>We won't be alone, because we'll always have each other.<em>

_Daylight, see the dew on a sunflower_

_And a rose that is fading_

_Roses wither away_

_Like the sunflower, I yearn to turn _

_My face to the dawn_

_I am waiting for the day_


	4. Spice

__I would say that I'd never let it take me a whole year to finish a chapter again, but well...there's still Carpe Noctrum to finish the fourth chapter of and update...be aware, this is the point where the story makes the jump to M, and the next chapter will be more explicit still.

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>The bitter taste of much too sweet syrup<br>That you choose to only take from me  
>Skin on skin and I know what you taste like now<br>For now it has me satisfied_

The warm water sloshed lazily around her body as she sank back into the tub, Subaru's feet brushing against her own. While bathing together generally was frowned upon in teenagers their age, Hokuto had successfully argued that they were too tired to wait for the other to finish and it would just be better if they went in at the same time; there _was _enough room for both of them.

The remaining bubbles of soap floated between them, and Hokuto noted through half-lidded eyes that Subaru was blushing every single time one of them bounced into and broke against her budding chest. Although that was to be partially expected, _she _wasn't really used to seeing them when she looked in the mirror yet either.

"You still have soap in your hair, Subaru." she interrupted the calm silence between them as she noticed the vaguely iridescent sheen under the warm lights.

Subaru promptly blushed harder and stuck his head under the water, rubbing at the dark strands not furiously, but enough to dislodge the soap. As he came up for air, thin streams of water ran down to meet with the water in a torrent of splashing, and yet she could still see the gleam of soap in his hair. Brushing his hands over it, she could see him noticing that he still hadn't gotten it all out, and the small look of weary despair that would have been almost out of character for him.

"Come here," she said, and shifted onto her knees, the warm water sliding down her body so that the cooler air wrapped around her like a wet blanket, chilling her both outside and in. Balanced firmly, she grabbed the little bucket that sat on the shelf by the tub, and dipped it in to pour water over her twin's head.

Subaru made a muffled squeaking sound as she began to massage the soap from his scalp, at first rougher motions than she thought she really had the energy for, but then slowing to a gentle continuous motion that was less to work out the remaining traces of soap and more just to sooth any hidden aches away.

When she next poured water over his head, the last of the soap washed away before running clear and clean. Setting the bucket aside, she lay back against the tub as he pushed his bangs- they were getting too long on both of them now and they'd need to get a trim soon- out of his eyes and smiled at her wearily. "Thank you, Hokuto-chan." he said softly.

She relaxed against the tub, and smiled back at him. "You're welcome."

Time passed, in that trippy way that it did sometimes, skipping past whole minutes sometimes, and other times it dragged on like the train of a wedding dress caught in brambles, leaving tatters of delicate white fabric everywhere and dissolving slowly. The eddies of steam in the air swirled and fluttered about, and dissipated as the heat flew away to the stars high above. She caught herself almost falling asleep several times, and she was certain that it was only the strength of his training that kept Subaru from doing the same, as it was, his eyes were dim with exhaustion.

There was a soft chiming sound, striking out the hours, and it rang out a longer number of times than Hokuto really wanted to hear. "I think it's time to get out." she said ruefully, not wanting to leave the tub then.

Subaru nodded slowly, and then to her surprise, the flush in his cheeks from the heat grew and he ducked his head down and pulled up his knees, suddenly shy in a different way than she was used to. "Um...you can go ahead, I'll get out after you're done." He said quietly, voice as shaky as autumn leaves in the breeze. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and seemed to be trying to hide something.

Hokuto raised her eyebrows at him slowly, and his blush grew brighter. "Is something wrong, Subaru?" She asked, not sure why he would have suddenly gone shy on her after over an hour in the tub with her.

He shook his head in the exact way that meant 'Yes there is, but I'm not going to say anything because it's embarrassing to have your attention on me like that and while it is nice that you're noticing that I have feelings outside of smiling and sweet, it's still embarrassing when you ask', and she groaned. "Well I'm not sure I'm ready to get out." She said, slightly childishly, but getting vague statements was annoying at the best of times and she just wanted to get out and go to bed, preferably with her twin close by to keep her warm.

Subaru made an embarrassed noise "I...it's um...umm..." and he trailed off slowly, clearly unable to state what it was. How mystifying, that he was more tongue-tied than usual at something that made him not want to get out of the tub just yet.

Hokuto pulled up her own knees in response as she thought, and her twin hid his face even more thoroughly, only his pink ears showing clearly although she was sure that he could still breathe since there weren't any bubbles of drowning coming from next to his legs. Her breasts were slightly crushed by that position, curling up on her stomach and her legs blocking view of her...

_...Oh._ The realization slammed into her like the trains from her futuristic manga, and for some reason, it sent a curl of hot fire down her chest to pool below her stomach, an unfamiliar ache that made her shiver for a second. That would explain why he didn't want to get up, and why he was hiding even from her.

And instead of sounding only slightly intriguing in the backwards senses of discovering what sex was supposed to be like from her manga and books and thinking that it would be interesting to try in the future, there was a part of her that wanted to try it then and there, to lunge across the tub and kiss the fire from him and swallow everything.

It was a little terrifying in how _sudden _it was, like being set on fire and the tongues of flame burning through skin and bone and heart without pain. None of her books had mentioned _this_, or if they had, she'd never noticed, giggling her way through those parts rather than paying attention and memorizing all the little details to not be so tripped up about it.

Subaru made a shy little whimper as he noticed her not leaving, and she looked back just in time to meet his eyes. Hot energy snapped between them like lightning and she was tingling from the imagined touches that could happen.

It was hard to think it herself, and usually she didn't consider herself anywhere near as shy or repressed as her dear brother, but this was a whole different line than what she usually went for in in the less socially acceptable subjects.

She wanted him.

She was shaking a little bit with the need that throbbed between her legs, something that she'd somehow never thought of to this depth until just now, and there wasn't a single thought in her mind of _not_ going with the flow of her new desire.

Slowly, she made herself move her legs down so they weren't pressed against her body. Slowly, she breathed in and out and tried to calm her racing heart. Slowly, she leaned forwards, and the water rushed up the sides of the tub as she displaced it with her body. Slowly, she reached forwards and lifted Subaru's chin, he was too stunned to resist in any way, and kissed him, shutting her eyes to focus on him alone.

It was like catching fire in her hands, flickering and bright. Subaru tasted of himself, of skin that reminded her of sweet syrup and moonlight, and after a moment of startled quivering, he tentatively responded to her affection, lips rubbing against hers like attracted magnets, sparking more heat in her stomach, the only thing that was keeping her from being paralyzed in the moment.

She was pressed against his legs, the only way to get close enough to him in the bowl of the tub, and had one hand braced on the edge so she wouldn't slip into the water. Her heart throbbed intensely and even though she was good at breathing consistantly during kissing, there seemed to be just less air in the room in general. Time was tripping like before, but it was alternatively racing and slowing down to agonizing lengths as she stole his breath.

Subaru whimpered into her mouth as she slid her other hand from under his chin to his breastbone, and when she pressed her fingers down, she could feel his heart beating in sync with hers, twins of the heart and the body even when separated from each other. She opened her eyes for a moment, and saw that he had closed his, needing her as much as she needed him.

Hokuto smiled against his lips, and continued to kiss him, the both of them making tiny involutary sounds from the intoxication of it. She loved the feel of his heartbeat, but it wasn't enough. His legs slowly slid away from his chest, weakened by desire, as she coaxed her hand down.

The skin of his stomach was as smooth as the paper of his spells, and much softer. Subaru whimpered into her mouth again as she nipped very gently at his lower lip, and melted into her touch, one gloved hand on her shoulder and clinging slightly as if to keep himself from vanishing in pleasure.

Her hand slipped lower, and she brushed taut flesh, hotter than the surrounding water, and Subaru's fingers dug into her shoulder slightly as he fought to keep from making a louder sound. Hokuto swallowed, almost losing her momentum for the moment as the nature of what she was about to do hit her again.

It was the sensation of Subaru unconciously bucking up his hips slightly to try and get her to touch him, and responding enough to her startled kisses to add some of his own fire to hers that drew her back to the moment. She moved her hand across that hard flesh, admiring the new proof of their adulthood, and gently closed her hand around it.

Now, even if she'd lost her momentum, she couldn't stop. They were locked in a space where stopping was impossible, where all that mattered was the highest desire of the other, and what they could do to make it better. His fingers dug into her shoulder hard enough to bruise, and she rubbed his erection in the palm of her hand over and over again, her fingers slipping on the ridged skin in ways that made her twin shudder and arch his back against the tub.

It wasn't a long time, not in the grand scheme of things and not even as such acts often went, before Subaru actively moaned up into her mouth and she could feel him ejaculate at peak, shuddering in pleasure before coming down at last, his penis flaccid in her grip.

They were both panting then, lips close enough together that Hokuto could feel him breathing against her mouth, a thing she'd never knew how exhilerating it could be until just then. The blush was gone from Subaru's face, clearly it had been too much for such things as embarrassment, and he met her eyes without shying away more than a little.

It was actually Hokuto who broke their eye contact first, and the air seemed to grow colder as she did. "We should get out now." She said, voice shakier than she remembered it being before. Subaru nodded, and something grew sadder in his eyes.

He caught her hand as she stood up, leather gloves slipping on her skin. "I'll...come to bed in a minute, alright Hokuto-chan?" he asked her softly, looking very vulnerable, and she couldn't help but smile reassuringly back.

"Of course." she said, and she got a hint of a smile back before he let go and she picked up the towel to wrap it around herself.

And when she was dried off and dressed again for bed, and climbing into the futon, he returned to her, face a little paler than when in the water before, a little shakier than usual, but his touches were as soft and strong as silk, and eventually the fire in her body consumed and then released her to peaceful dreams with him at her side.  
><em><br>Hey, this is my very own SPICE  
>Just this once I'll let you have some<br>Because I know that you're taken with, with my taste  
>And doesn't it make you love it even more?<em>


	5. Dearly Beloved

So here we are! Biggest chapter of this story, the most explicit as things go, and the second last, so be prepared. Because next comes Tokyo Babylon...

* * *

><p><em>An unbreakable spell<br>A never-ending kiss  
>An endless dream<br>Eternal happiness_

_Take me  
>I wish for happiness<em>

_Soaked feathers  
>Fingers locked<br>The warmth of skin  
>Two hearts<em>

_Take me away  
>I wish for happiness<em>

It was cold outside, enough that Hokuto had covered up her wild outfit with a coat, and Subaru had, for once, refused to wear the accompanying set of clothes because it wasn't sensible enough for the weather, opting instead for a thick red coat and a white shirt with black pants underneath, solid colors that went well with his complexion.

Hokuto repressed the urge to shiver as she looked up at the sky, breath frosting in the air. "It's cold enough that it could snow today." she said, the words coming out in a shuddery white puff.

"There are clouds up there." Subaru added helpfully, pointing to the pinkened clouds hanging hauntingly in the sky. "If they are heavy enough..."

They leaned against the railing of their balcony in Kyoto, watching the wind stir the trees in the courtyard, black branches bristling in the dark.

They were almost fifteen now, growing up still more. The tangles of fate reaching out and changing them little by little.

"Do you want to move to Tokyo still Hokuto-chan?" Subaru asked when the silence was almost deafening between the two of them.

She thought about it, seriously. "I do. There's so much more there than there is here, and we'll be in the center of the world."

"Tokyo isn't the center of the world. The core of the earth is the center of the world." Subaru said with a small smile, repeating that which he had learned from school lessons.

She snorted, sending spirals of white into the chilly air. "You know what I mean."

The silence stretched out again, comfortably. Sometimes, Hokuto felt like she never did have to speak with him. That everything that was ever important to say to him could be said by look, by touch.

"I love you Subaru." she said, and said it out loud. But when he looked at her, green eyes warm in the deep, the honest and rare smile just for her crinkling up his eyes till they were framed by black lashes, and touched her cheek with one gloved hand, she knew that he didn't have to say it to mean it.

The air shivered around them, and time felt like it stopped.

The first snowflakes drifted down and brushed into their hair, catching in the pixie cut she insisted the both of them have.

Looking up, they saw an endless spiral of gray, tumbling down peacefully to catch on everything, from the bare earth, to the black branches, to each other and themselves.

The world was silent, and dim. The lights of the indoors were a soft glow that only accented the gentle fall of snow, turning it a pale gold in the lamplight.

Somewhere far away, a clock chimed once, twice, thrice, counting out twelve times before returning to rest.

The new day lurked in the corners of midnight. February nineteenth began in the shadows of snow and silence.

Hokuto stepped over that minute gap between them, a chasm that she was never barred by, to put her own hands, ungloved, on Subaru's cold cheeks.

His eyes fluttered shut as she kissed him, slowly, a brush of lips that was more affectionate than anything else. She let her own eyes fall closed, the framing of his eyelashes imprinting in her mind as her hands slid down to his shoulders, to hold on.

Snowflakes landed on their faces, melting and running down like unshed tears, and yet they did not mind, lost in each other as they were.

She pressed closer to his warmth, seeking the traces of his selfishness within his body, that made him want for himself.

His arms slid around her back, to hold her closer, to not let her go.

When she drew back, just enough to rest her forehead on his, he exhaled unevenly, his breath tangling in the threads that her breath made in the air. "It's cold out here." he said unnecessarily, a faint laugh to the shakiness of his voice.

"You aren't cold." Hokuto breathed, their lips close enough to brush when talking still. "Never you Subaru."

Her twin pulled one hand away from her back, to brush away the snowflakes that were collecting in her hair. "Happy birthday Hokuto-chan." he smiled, again that smile for only her.

She smiled back, and an instant before she kissed him again, she said, "Happy birthday Subaru."

The snow collected on fluttering eyelashes, and melted away as they pressed ever closer, to feel more connected than before.

Yet they were both shivering, and not just from the sensations evoked from their touching. Hokuto laughed, slightly unsteadily, "I think we should probably go inside."

Subaru breathed out hard, sending up a cloud of white that faded in the thickening snowfall. "Okay."

Hokuto did not let go of his hand, envying him his permanent gloves for just a moment as she touched the cold metal of the latch, pulling on it till the door opened and let them in.

Then they stood in the doorway, brushing snowflakes off of each other, not entirely successfully, walking in when they wouldn't leave unexpected pools of water on the floor anymore.

The air inside was warmer, enough to make the coldness of cheeks and ears and lips more prominent than before, and it was also silent. Aside from the lamp left on so that they could see when they came back in, the house was dark, the other inhabitants asleep.

For some reason, the thought that nobody was awake to hear them sent a spiral of heat flowing through Hokuto, from her hands and lips down to a pit in her stomach, a breath of desire.

She let her coat slide to the floor, leaving it there in a puddle of dark green with a cresting of melting white, to slide Subaru's away as well, grabbing his hands and pinning them to her sides, kissing him with an intensity reserved for their rooms, with locked doors.

Subaru kissed her back, hesitantly, hungrily, torn between desire and pragmatism and it was enough to make her huff even as she captured his lower lip with her teeth, enjoying the faintest sounds he made when she did that.

She guided them through the dark on memory alone, two doors past the exit, a hallway, two more doors after that and there was her room. She barely released his mouth enough to breathe on her part, certainly not on his, if the way that he clutched at her as they made it farther was any guess.

She managed to let go of him long enough to shut the door firmly and lock it, hearing the resounding click in the back of her mind as she returned to more important pastimes, namely, kissing her twin.

Subaru let out another low, quiet sound in the back of his throat as she slid her hands up to touch his shoulders, the curve of his upper body, fingers fisted in her dress desperately, as if she was the only thing keeping him from being lost.

Maybe she was.

Hokuto found herself annoyed by the lack of skin that she could feel of him, closeted as he was in clothing. She tugged up the shirt, crumpling the fabric up in warming fingers that brushed against his stomach, his chest as she pulled it up.

And she released his mouth for a split second, divesting him of his shirt in that moment, before sliding her fingers over his bare torso.

He gasped into her mouth, a soundless plea as she felt hard, corded muscle on his lithe body, feeling every inch of bare skin, and the way that he trembled into her touch, wanting more, so much more.

Each motion that they made was enough to send tendrils of heat and desire arcing through her entire body, filling her with want. Wanting more than before, to step over that silent boundary.

He shook under her touch, lost in the moment, in the feeling. She slid her hands down lower, onto his butt and he shuddered more violently.

Her dress felt too warm, and confining, tangling around her body in ways that made her want it _off_. So she released him from her hands, watching how he seemed to struggle with wanting to press closer against her and yet still lost in the moment that had gone by.

She undid the strings holding together the top of the bodice, and slid away the outer layer of clothes on her body, letting out a soft breath of relief as the clinging uncomfortable feeling faded.

He _looked_ at her, with eyes that burned with something new, something that he was unused to, and she smiled at him. "Tonight is for us alone." she said softly. And that was all that was needed to explain what she wanted, what she was pretty sure that he wanted.

Subaru closed his eyes in submission, letting her touch him with no complaint, only the fluttering of eyelashes to reveal his utter focus.

Hokuto licked at her suddenly dry lips, and undid the strap of her bra, letting that tumble to the floor as well.

Her underskirt followed it, and everything underneath that.

He wasn't watching her, but she understood why. He was trusting her even more than before, trusting that she wouldn't run, or stab him, or anything that wasn't what she was doing. That kind of wholehearted trust made her heart thud with intense love for her twin.

She touched his chest again, sliding her hands over his body, fine shivers running through him, and her breath rushed out unsteadily on his mouth an instant before she kissed him again, the contact giving her the boldness to not give up.

She slid her hands lower, and he gasped into her mouth, the sound drowned in her body as she touched his stomach, the curve of his back, the skin right above the top of his jeans.

The button came undone after a moment's difficulty in her hand, and she slid away the piece of fabric between them, leaving his gloves as the only barrier. And that was a barrier even she couldn't fight.

His pants were abandoned on the floor as she guided him to his futon.

Subaru clutched at her tighter, hands wrapping around her back to cling to her shoulders, breaking the rhythm of their mouths to breathe, the air between them feeling thin and precious. His eyes shot open and they burned again, bright green in the darkness.

She straddled him, guiding him again to lie down, her hands sliding up his chest in a caress.

Hokuto knew what that last step was, and yet there was some part of her that was inexplicably terrified, uncertain of what she was doing.

Knowing the mechanics of this was far from knowing _how_.

She ran her hands down to his stomach again, and he bucked up under her touch, eyes shut again, lips parted to breathe desperately.

She held her own breath, and moved her hips down awkwardly, flesh sliding against flesh, into a part of her that she alone had touched before.

It hurt, and she'd been expecting that, although perhaps not so much of it. Hokuto lay on top of him, letting her body learn this new thing.

Something within her heart, within the pit of her stomach, everywhere, told her that she wanted to go on, that she needed to go on.

Subaru clung to her, the only thing in his world that wouldn't turn on him. Ever.

Hokuto had never, and would never love, anyone as much as her twin. She vowed that, and she kissed that space where his heart beat in his throat, the same as hers.

Subaru looked at her with helplessly shut eyes, turning his face to hers even on only instinct, his breath running out between parted lips, his hands on her back to hold onto her. She moved her hips carefully, finding that point and peak of sensation for him, where he could only feel, only need.

He was lost in her, everything that he knew was his twin, her hands, her arms, her breasts, her legs, her body, her scent, her breath, her voice. She felt him trembling under her, not a denial, but a plea.

Hokuto granted that for him, rocking them together as he gasped, quiet as a cat, and clung ever tighter to her.

And she drank in everything of him, lined as they were in the dark, a grace of tangled limbs and love. She took in his memory, his love, his need, and made it a memory within her as well, to marry them together in that one moment.

They were flying, flying on sensation. Flying on emotion and there was nothing in the world but them.

It was a brief moment, but as infinitely precious as every other one together.

Hokuto knew everything that was him in that one second, and Subaru knew all that was hers.

He clung to her, and whispered to her and was lost, lost forever.

She couldn't find it in herself to be disappointed that she had not found that same point. This was for him more than anything, and she instead guided him through that brink, until he fell back to her and looked at her with eyes that burned, breath still harsh with everything else.

She kissed him, sweetly, more innocently than before that point, and withdrew from where she straddled him, to instead lie next to him and hold him till he fell asleep.

In that very moment as he passed into the shadows of dreams, she swore she saw all the radiance of the moon in his eyes, bright and warm and loving.

Subaru slept peacefully, as the hours ticked away to morning, and yet Hokuto could not fall asleep. Instead, she watched him breathe, a simple melody of rhythm that was more soothing than many things in the waking world.

She still remembered the sensations from their lovemaking, that hummed in her blood and set everything on fire with beauty. Shuddering faintly with memory, she reached out a bare hand, touched his face, stroked the soft skin she felt there.

His hand slipped up, gloves on even now, to hold on, an action done in sleep, and she smiled at him.

"I don't regret however far we will go, or however far we have already gone." she whispered, the words not loud enough to even disturb him. "I love you Subaru, and I will do anything to keep you happy."

She lay awake all night, watching him and memorizing everything that she loved about him. And when the next day, she was asked as to why she seemed so tired, she said that she'd been watching the snow fall.

_I want to forget reality  
>To be in my dreams with you<br>Where I can be thinking  
>Of you forever<em>

_Please take me  
>To happiness<em>


	6. Last Night, Good Night

__I'm between computers _yet again_, but this time at least, I do have this finished, so as long as I can get to any computer at all, I can upload it on time.

__Warning, conclusion of Tokyo Babylon within!

* * *

><p><em>I've hidden the heartrending<br>Throbs that are in this chest  
><em>

_Last night, Good night  
>Last night, Good night<br>This night, I'll hold your  
>Hand tight and go to sleep<br>Good night  
><em>

She had never met anyone as beautiful as her twin. And as narcissistic as that sounded, it wasn't his body she found beautiful.

Sumeragi Hokuto knelt next to her brother, watching his chest rise and fall in sweet slumber, his face pulled into a quiet frown of a dream that bothered him only till she reached out, lay her hand on his cheek.

She had dreamed, dreamed of an end, of losing him. Losing him to love, losing him to obsession, and the death of another, to where he fell like the angels of myths and, although still as heartbreakingly beautiful, was destroyed.

And she wasn't there to stop it.

His gloved hand strayed to hers, rested there in his sleep, so innocently that she wanted to cry. But instead she smiled, because because it was so _Subaru _to do something like that.

She let her legs fold a little, to a more comfortable slouch, and sat there, watching him breathe, over and over again, every inhalation and exhalation proof that he still lived, still wanted to live.

Yet there was a stutter of breath, and his hand tightened on her.

Green eyes opened sleepily and he stared at her, a moment's surprise before a smile crept over his lips. "Good morning Hokuto-chan," he whispered, sleep adding a husky quality to his voice.

There were so many things she wanted to say to him, so many things that for some reason, she thought he should know _right _now, like 'I love you Subaru' and 'I need you more than anyone else' and 'Don't leave me alone', but what she said was; "How do you know it's morning? It's still dark out."

Subaru laughed softly, more a stuttered breath than any real sound. "Because I was up making more ofuda until after midnight." he explained.

She bonked him very lightly on the head. "Subaru, you can wait till morning to do work, can't you? You'll get sick if you stay up too late and don't get enough sleep."

He laughed again. "But I have to do it, there isn't anyone else who can."

Hokuto ran her thumb across his cheek, feeling the fine curves of bone underneath, and her flashes of dream snapped back to her mind. "That's why I'm here to take care of you." she said, and couldn't say more, because it was all too strong to even think of.

Perceptive as always to everyone who wasn't him, he looked at her with new concern in the pre-dawn light. "What's wrong Hokuto-chan?"

She shook her head at him, "Nothing, just a dream." When he looked unconvinced, she found her smile, grinned at him impishly. "But I've decided that you aren't getting out of bed until after nine. You don't have a job until four and so I'm making sure you sleep. And eat." The determination of her words filled her and chased away the images for a darker time, brought her back to now.

Subaru laughed as she climbed onto the bed, flopping down with reckless care for where her body ended up. "You're going to lie on me until it's nine?" he said as she stole the second pillow from under his head, plopping her head on it so she could see his face from the same angle.

She smirked. "If that's what it takes. We have five hours to go, so start sleeping!"

Subaru smiled at her, one of his rare ones for her alone, that brought all the emotions he didn't seem to know he had to the surface of his eyes, glowing in the dark. Then he closed them, eyelashes fluttering as he resisted the temptation to stay awake.

Within moments, his breath evened out to the soft rhythm of sleep, and he curled up against her in searching for something to be there, even in his dreams, head pillowed between her neck and breasts as he breathed evenly.

She ran a hand over his hair, feeling the silky strands slip between her fingers, and let her smile drop. Here in the darkness, she could be his guardian from all that would destroy him, but for how much longer?

"I love you Subaru, and I'll keep you safe from anything." she whispered, her dark promise.

She never fell asleep, watching him change from dawn to sunrise, to nine when he stirred and woke up, all affection and sweetness and _Subaru_.

That day after his job, Subaru went chasing after his shikigami, into a train station, and brought back a veterinarian with him. And Hokuto knew that the end had begun._  
><em>

_It'd be wonderful if I could  
>Spend morning with you once more<br>I just wish even such a small  
>Hope can be made a miracle<br>_

_As it is, I can't convey anything  
>So I can't say goodbye<br>_

As many bad days as she'd had, horrible ones filled with fear of what may have happened in the future, Hokuto felt like she hadn't known what pain felt like until she'd seen her brother after Seishirou had utterly trampled him, left him as nothing.

She hadn't known true pain, or true anger.

She knelt in front of Subaru, who stared beyond her, lost in his mind. His eyes, green and lifeless, looked dull as a rainy day.

He couldn't see her at all.

"Oh Subaru." she said softly, reaching up to touch his face. "Why are you hiding even from me?"

But she already knew the answer to why. And it _hurt._

Because not only had she been replaced in his affections, but she wasn't enough for him to want to live after Seishirou's betrayal.

And she had encouraged it, even when the ending began to look more and more like this one, because more than wanting Subaru, she wanted him to be happy.

And Hokuto couldn't give him everything he needed, not anymore.

But she could give him one last thing.

She hugged him, wanting to cry even when she had nothing left to cry with. She buried her face in his unresponding shoulder and _breathed_, drinking in what was suddenly infinitely more precious now that she'd chosen.

"I'm sorry Subaru." she whispered for him alone. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_. You'll hate me for this, I know, but I can't let you stay like this."

Her voice caught and choked on nothing. "I love you Subaru, that's why I can't let you stay like this."

She kissed him, one last time, even though he didn't respond, and she felt horrible for taking advantage of him like that, before standing up with a determination that filled her veins. "That's why I'm doing this."

His shikifuku fit her as well as it had fit him, and she walked out of the room with purpose, with determination.

She would not fail, not here.

Never again.

_As it is, I can't convey anything  
>So I can't say goodbye<em>

_Last night, Good night  
>Last night, Good night<br>Even if this voice dies  
>The melody won't fade<br>_

Boxes stacked up in the entryway of an empty apartment, each neatly filled with as much as it could hold, and each taped neatly shut so that the one occupied in packing did not have to see.

Subaru rubbed at his eyes with an ungloved hand, more from the soreness of spending nights grieving than because there might be any tears now. Then he shut another box, on packages of tea, of dishes and memories of laughter while she attempted not to burn anything from getting distracted by whatever he told her of, sitting in the same room with her vibrant self that outshone the sun.

Most all of the apartment had been cleared of its contents, and all of them put into boxes until he was strong enough to deal with the memories, the feelings behind them.

He missed her, more than his smile, more than his happiness, more than anything. He missed her with everything that he was, and everything that he had yet to be.

There was no way to fill up the gaping hole that she used to fill with her love.

The box of dishes went next to the ones full of clothes, of photos with laughter, and remained there dully, as if they too had lost their vibrancy when she died.

Subaru opened up her bedroom door, and even though he'd already gone through it, packed away everything that she'd brought, he still walked through it, into the patchy sunlight of her windows.

_"Come on Subaru! If you're going to sleep in my bed, then you're going to wake up when I do!" she laughed, poking him in the side till he rolled away from her questing fingers. "Do I need to kiss you into submission?"_

_"I don't think that would have the desired effect of me getting up Hokuto-chan." He'd said, smiling at her._

_Hokuto put her hands on her hips, grinning back at him. "Well at least we'd be _doing _something instead of lying around all day with nothing to do!"_

A thrum of pain shot through his heart and he stepped away from the sunlight quickly.

For a moment, he thought he saw her, flash of green, green eyes and dark hair, omnipresent smile gracing her mouth, holding her hand out to him for him to follow.

But he couldn't follow her, not anymore.

Subaru turned away from the sunlight, and shut the door on her remembered laughter.

Then, leaning against the door, he buried his face in his hands, and did not weep, but shuddered with tears nevertheless.

Because he'd lost both sides of himself and there wasn't anything good left any more.

_Last night, Good night  
>Last night, Good night<br>When I think that the end  
>Will arrive someday<br>That's when I hope that the  
>Night sky will keep your smile<br>_

_Good night  
><em>


End file.
